
Mother fucking Ninja Pirates. That’s right. This game has it all, including the aforementioned unholy union that basically sidesteps one of the most heated arguments in all of internet history. And when those ninja pirates board your ship and you and some buddies stab their faces off with swords and shields, you will know this game is the pinnacle of awesome. Castle Crashers is an old school beat em’ up. Think Golden Axe, Streets of Rage and that Dungeons and Dragons arcade game where you needed to kill that damned troll with fire. There’s nothing terribly new here, but the game takes all the great parts of old and adds some new twists to revitalize what is quite possibly one of the most unappreciated genres of the past 5 - 10 years. The art style is absolutely gorgeous, with sharp clean, and colourful 2d animation and the music, a mix of techno/ambient/industrial beats (which can all be found for download here) just adds to the unique and quirky style. Not to mention half the guys in this game know how to headbang.
As you progress through the game you gain experience, collect gold, score princesses, find pets and discover new weapons to beat your enemies to a bloody pulp with. Gold can be spent in random shops, pets do all kinds of random things (like bite the heads off your enemy!) and experience levels you up. You get points every level to invest in Strength (+damage), Magic (+magic damage/area of effect), Defense (+health/armor) and Agility (+speed/bow). While this looks great at first, it became pretty clear that the game is skewed toward magic. If you invest in your strength, everything 1m in front of you should be dead. Defense should increase a players ability to revive a fellow castle crasher. Agility should make you stab faster than a disgruntled house wife. These are minor gripes, but it kind of felt like there was only one way to grow your character. Also, some of the pets are more useless than tits on a man (sea dragon, I’m looking your way).
But those are minor quibbles. This is the best $15 you could ever spend. Don’t make excuses. If you own an Xbox 360, get this game. End of story.